personal – Ren Martinez

The Intern

I’m applying to be an intern at RVA Mag, a super cool publication about arts and community in Richmond.Admittedly, I’m probably the only one that isn’t in college (and hasn’t been for awhile) but they said that wasn’t a requirement. I’ve been floundering for awhile as far as future-type things. Unsure if I’m stagnating orContinue reading “The Intern”

Feeling Foggy

Here’s a fun game. Am I just in a rut or is this depression? Motivation has been bleeding from me for some time. Not all at once, like arterial spray. Just a slow, sluggish leak that I barely notice until I look down and see all the blood. But, I can’t tell what caused meContinue reading “Feeling Foggy”

Twenty twenty twenty four hours ago

I have to have music playing. There’s something about silence that can be wonderful. A gorgeous stillness that rings like a bell inside your chest. The kind that speaks so you don’t have to. But that kind of silence is a rare thing. Most of the time, silence to me screams of boredom. It fillsContinue reading “Twenty twenty twenty four hours ago”

Yours-Mine-And

The beau and I are getting a house! He and I have been talking about moving in together for some time, and while we’ve been sorting out our finances, we’ve started looking around for properties to rent. We were hoping to move in March when I found the most perfect house in the history ofContinue reading “Yours-Mine-And”

memos to me

I’m trying to organize my life. It’s going rather poorly. I’m trying to write every day. I’m failing rather spectacularly. How is it that I can sit and plan and write reminders and yet hours/days/weeks will pass and I have yet to strike through one thing on my to-do list? Writing feels as naturally asContinue reading “memos to me”

The Sounds of Settling

I have had this job for a week and a half now. Things are going pretty well, actually. I no longer have the threat of piling up debts cluttering up my head. I no longer have to decided between groceries and gas. I no longer have to swallow the gravel of guilt when I noticeContinue reading “The Sounds of Settling”

Rolling the Dice

I find myself in between spaces. I left my full-time job in the beginning of September. It was a matter of survival, both professionally and personally. It was like working in a burning building, and it was only a matter of time before I caught fire with it. The constant stress and frustration was takingContinue reading “Rolling the Dice”

Salem

Why does creativity only spark when it’s the middle of the night and I’m alone? I set up sections during my day, small spots of quiet where I can curl up in front of my computer and let these words pour forth. But, I sit here and am distracted as a cat, my attention flicking backContinue reading “Salem”

Two Pearls

I have two memories about my first boyfriend that I keep. Two pearls, bright and unsullied, tucked away where they cannot be darkened by poison. It’s prom night. I’m wearing a bright pink gown that my friend M let me borrow, something much girlier than I would normally wear. M and L are juniors, andContinue reading “Two Pearls”

Undertow

I seem to be slipping into grayspace. The kind of place where I fall into stories that aren’t my own only to realize that hours have passed. Where I make tea and my first sip is warm and sweet and the second is stale and cold. I sit down at the computer and stare atContinue reading “Undertow”