Catching Up & Falling Back

This year has not been a year for the creative.

Between the the dumpster fire that is the political landscape, finishing renovations on a house, and preparing for my wedding, it’s been chaos and craziness all year. I wish I could say I was at least able to write in the downtime, but that is clearly not the case (ever the burden of the Writer).

I wish I were able to balance my life so I was able to feel like I could sit down and do this on the regular. You’d think that at 31 that I would have figured out how to do that. But, I think that’s part of entering your 30’s; you’re still a tangled up mess that you were ten years ago, five years ago, two minutes ago. You don’t miraculously become an Instagram version of yourself, with tea and yoga and minimalist furniture and hashtag blessed.

I think of that Amanda Palmer song “In My Mind” at times like this. Think about the Ren I imagine in the future, the one who is organized and writes every day and never has clutter and wakes up early.

And then I’m reminded of who I am at the moment and I think: you know? I’m not so bad. Not so bad at all. Messy and tangled and everything.

both hands stained with paints
Photo by Lisa Fotios on

Amanda Palmer – In My Mind


Published by Ren Martinez

Ren is a thirty-something Lost Boy whose personal aesthetic is “suspected of witchcraft by local villagers.” She subscribes to cheerful nihilism, the destruction of the patriarchy, and the belief that glitter makes everything better. She is a Richmond-based writer and performer who has fiction and non-fiction work found in a variety of publications, such as The Mary Sue, RVA Magazine, The Quotable, and Nostrovia Press. She is currently the fiction editor and a regular contributor at Quail Bell Magazine. She is also the co-host of the podcast, This F***ing Guy! Find out more at or read her dumbass tweets on Twitter @itsrenmartinez

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