The future has been a place I’ve always been running towards but never was able to see it clearly.

Beau and I were talking finances the other day, and it become quite clear that, even though I signed up for my work’s 401k and other benefits, I knew nothing about them. I didn’t even know how to find my pay stubs.

Needless to say, he was appalled and I was a little embarrassed.

It’s not that I’m irresponsible with my money. I’m always considering my budget, trying to balance eating out with household needs. Bills always get paid and I’m always tracking my spending.

But, I’ve never really considered anything beyond that. It’s lucky my dad is an accountant, because he’s always explained health insurance policies and compound interest just enough for me to go, “Yeah, let’s do that” and forget about the whole thing. It was difficult for me to conjure the effort to even pretend to care, even if I know all those things are important things.

Beau acceded all these points before saying, “You’re almost thirty. It’s time to take control of your life. Because it’s not just your life, it’s our lives.”

So, somewhere amidst the chaos of preparing for this weekend (his whole family is coming as a housewarming/determining whether I’m worthy party) and still working forty hours a week, I’ll sit down with those envelopes I never seem to open.

I’ll start trying to figure out what the future actually looks like.


Published by Ren Martinez

Ren is a thirty-something Lost Boy whose personal aesthetic is “suspected of witchcraft by local villagers.” She subscribes to cheerful nihilism, the destruction of the patriarchy, and the belief that glitter makes everything better. She is a Richmond-based writer and performer who has fiction and non-fiction work found in a variety of publications, such as The Mary Sue, RVA Magazine, The Quotable, and Nostrovia Press. She is currently the fiction editor and a regular contributor at Quail Bell Magazine. She is also the co-host of the podcast, This F***ing Guy! Find out more at or read her dumbass tweets on Twitter @itsrenmartinez

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