Hold On, I’m Coming Out Right Now

I’ve been very open about being asexual for some time, usually discussing it here on various posts, defining demisexual to the masses and my experiences being ace while single or dating.

But, when it comes to being biromantic, it’s been more difficult to attempt that conversation.

I didn’t realize it myself for a long time, because I always associated romantic love with sexual attraction (thanks heteronormativity!) so any crushes I had were easily dismissed because I wasn’t sexually attracted to them. I had more than a few intense female friendships in middle/high school, and looking back I was much more invested than the other person, but I didn’t know how to articulate what I was feeling.

I didn’t even know I could feel that way.

So, it mostly went ignored, the same way my asexuality did. It wasn’t until I was in my mid twenties that I started learning about alternative sexualities and discovered asexuality was an actual thing. Once I figured out that, it became clearer to me that not all my feelings towards girls was platonic, now that I could separate them from sexual attraction.

Some people may ask “Why even talk about it? You have the beau.” And, yes, I’m in a happily committed, monogamous relationship with my favorite person. But, that doesn’t erase who I am. Being with him doesn’t make me any less queer.

So, now it’s officially out there in the universe. I’m still me, and I’m pretty damn happy right now, and I have a lovely beau and a wonderful family and awesome friends. All things considered, I’m doing just fine.


Published by Ren Martinez

Ren is a thirty-something Lost Boy whose personal aesthetic is “suspected of witchcraft by local villagers.” She subscribes to cheerful nihilism, the destruction of the patriarchy, and the belief that glitter makes everything better. She is a Richmond-based writer and performer who has fiction and non-fiction work found in a variety of publications, such as The Mary Sue, RVA Magazine, The Quotable, and Nostrovia Press. She is currently the fiction editor and a regular contributor at Quail Bell Magazine. She is also the co-host of the podcast, This F***ing Guy! Find out more at renmartinez.com or read her dumbass tweets on Twitter @itsrenmartinez

One thought on “Hold On, I’m Coming Out Right Now

  1. I love reading first hand experiences from people with “alternative sexualities” as you describe it. I’ve found people expect me to be an expert on different sexual orientations since coming out as bisexual but I am still learning that it is all not so black and white! Thanks for sharing!

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